When I moved to boulder six years ago, I was fragmented, dissociated and scared and trusted only in one phrase I got from an astrologer: "If you want to fall in love, move to boulder".
She was right and it happened. It happened many times over in fact.
Then I had to trust Love so much, I left the holding ground of its nurturing womb, landing myself in the biggest, scariest, most overwhelming city I have ever experienced.
You may be thinking I am speaking about New York. Which indeed is a beast and a beauty all at the same time. But no.
I am referring to marriage. That my friends it seems to me is a city with no map, no lights, and no road signs. It is not for the faint of heart, ill willed, or resentful in nature. It is certainly not for the self-serving. There is no real tangible map to decoding and deciphering how two Souls live lives together and make magic as a result that serves them individually, mutually and collectively to the whole.
The training ground for navigating this city for me, has been my sadhana. It has been drop back after drop back. It has been meditation. It has been lunge pose after tireless lunge pose. It has been handstand and falling and handstand again and falling. It has been more meditation. It has been sweaty dace after sweaty dance and shedding of skin season after season. It has been the literal shape shifting with awareness and breath. It has been all of this day in and day out, every month and every year. There is no respite to the shamanic path and there is no holiday from Sadhana.
There is only its application.
So for me, I keep applying my Sadhana to my marriage. And my marriage to my Sadhana. And making my marriage my Sadhana.
The more I know my own inner landscape, the more I know the twists and bends of this relationship. The more deeply into the uncharted terrain I go with my partner, the more never-before-seen pathways in myself and in my internal map become illuminate for myself and ultimately to be shared with the world.
There is no roadmap to my marriage but there are many ways to understand asana. so that for me, is where I begin again and again.
~ image by edmund dulac ~